Remembering My Personal Rescue

"I was having lots of personal turmoil and stress about my future and on September 10, 2001, despite my prideful desire to control my own life, I decided to consult a psychologist to see if he could help me with my anxiety and worry about my life and its meaning. He essentially gave me the Type A personality pep talk, and said that I just needed to let things go. So, of course, I walked out with the attitude that “I” would be able to gain control over this, I just needed to make the decision to do so. I went home and told my husband the good news, to which, I am sure he thought, “Whatever.” The next morning was September 11, 2001."

This is a quote from my personal testimony.


As I replayed these clips today, my heart was filled with so many memories. A lot has happened in my life as a result of that terrible day. There is a tendency to almost feel a bit ashamed that what was a day of death for so many in our country became a significant day of life for me. I remember feeling so helpless and hopeless as a nation during those days. And yet, at the same time I was being dug out of my own rubble by a mighty hero. Jesus Christ, Himself, had allowed a heap of brokenness, and shattered dreams, and shards of glass to pile up on me so that He could graciously and tenderly begin to rescue me. I had reached a point where I could feel the flames burning all around me and I was desperately trying to put them out with my spit! I could not accept the fact that I wasn't making any impact on the flames in front of me, and I wasn't even aware of the roaring flames coming up from behind. It wasn't until that day that I stood in my living room, terrified that the rapture had taken place, that truth was able to break through.

I had become completely buried under a heap of my own mess. My body and soul were exhausted from straining and pushing and heaving trying to remove the rubble. All I could do was barely reach a dirty, smudged, bleeding hand toward a dim glimmer of light that had been illuminated many many years earlier in my life. I had often seen the light in previous years. Sometimes it would shine brightly and draw me to itself, but as soon as I got close enough to see all the hideous trash lying around, I immediately covered it up with attempts to clean up, pull away, sweep under the sofa the dirt and the grime. I thought, "I appreciate the light that this little flame offers me, but it isn't enough so I had better light a few more fires over here and over there." Before long, things were burning out of control, walls were crumbling, debris was flying everywhere, and eventually I was buried ALIVE. So here I was; desperately stretching my hand up just hoping, praying, pleading for help. Yet, even in my desperation, my call for help was prideful, "Light, if You are there and if You are real, You gotta dig me out of here or go away and let me die." Boy, that doesn't sound like a person grateful for a hero. But you know what, a hero is a hero, no matter how the person he saves responds. He is sworn to do His duty and there is nothing that can change that.

So my gracious, loving, tender, merciful, mighty, powerful, strong, SUPERHERO, bent down in the rubble, let the dirt and the grime deter him not, and gently whispered, "Daughter, you have NEVER been without hope. I offered a sacrifice ONCE AND FOR ALL that has already cleared all of this filth. In fact, I have had my strong hand firmly clasped to your arm all these years. Yes, you have tried to pull away, you have squirmed, and yanked, and tried to pry my fingers off with your other hand, but my strength to "keep" you is far greater than your weakness to pull away."

As I reflect over the last nearly eight years, I'm reminded of many, many, many more times that my Superhero has had to pick up his shovel. In fact, this very week He removed one last heap of rubble that was piled upon me and I now stand upon ground zero, my flag firmly placed in the territory that is MINE (I know you hear me, satan!!!!!!!). I mourn the loss of the lives of my dear citizens of this great country, America, but I celebrate the gain of true life that I have found and the citizenship of royalty that I AM FIRMLY CONVINCED IS MINE!!

GOD BLESS HIS PEOPLE!!